Ethnography

In Feminism Is For Everyone, chapter 14 titled, Liberating Marriage and Partnership, made me wonder more about the divorce process of today. Many courts and couples are deciding to compromise through mediation sessions rather than letting the court decide for them. Child custody, child support, parental responsibilities and distribution of assets are some of the major topics in domestic mediation sessions. With the understanding that there is an unequal balance of responsibilities in a marriage, I was curious to find out if there was a power imbalance in the mediation session. Do men assume that their patriarchal entitlement follows them into the divorce process? Do men try to hold the “power card” during the mediation sessions?

Mediators are trained to maintain a neutral position in all cases they are assigned to. They are also trained to maintain an equal balance of power between the disputing parties as well. Lets say that a couple who is divorcing introduces themselves to the mediator. The wife may introduce herself by first and last name, where the husband may introduce himself by his professional title, such as Dr. or military rank. This could set a tone to the mediator saying he is a respected professional and she is not. The mediator must be aware of these attempts to establish power and yet maintain a neutral position. How common does this happen? And how would a mediator handled such a situation?

On March 25, 2009 I called the City of Norman where they have a Dispute Mediation and Early Settlement program. Most of the mediators that work with the city of Norman are volunteers, but it is not uncommon for mediators to also be paid professionals. I initially spoke with Jayme Rowe and informed her of the assignment I was working on. I explained that I would like to observe a mediator and ask a few questions based on my thesis. Jayme explained that a series of wavers would need to signed, but most couples who are working through mediation prefer anonymity and privacy. She asked that since the mediators work evening hours if I could email her my questions and thesis for one of the mediators to answer. After speaking with Dr. Pendly, I agreed and emailed my questions.

Email Correspondence…

Hello my name is Jonnette Dreher and I’m a Human Relations major at the University of Oklahoma. This questionnaire is part of a research project (ethnography) my class has been assigned about gender. The purpose of the project is to explore how gender plays a role in an occupation that we (the student) is interested in. I truly believe in the mediation process and would like to someday become a professional mediator. My primary objective in this project is to understand if gender creates a power imbalance in mediation and how the mediator overcomes this obstacle. Thank you for your participation with my ethnography and please feel free to add any extra information that you feel may be of importance to this project. This questionnaire is for research purposes only and all the professional information you provide will be cited properly and respectfully. Please answer the question as thoroughly as possible and return to me by email at jonnette3@yahoo.com.

Thank you,
Jonnette Dreher


Question 1: I understand that the mediator establishes an environment where all the parties feel they are on an equal playing field. Do you find it difficult to do this based on gender? Please explain why or why not you believe this to be a common barrier.

Response: I do not find this difficult based on gender. Most people are unfamiliar with the process. When explained that the mediator’s role is neutral, and that we serve as facilitators of the process, it removes the power imbalance. The role of the mediator is also to establish rapport and demonstrate respect. I find that building rapport and respect strengthens the connection between the parties and the mediator regardless of gender.

The only time I experienced a gender imbalance was in a small claim case with two Mid-Eastern gentlemen. The one gentleman’s wife set quietly in the corner. I stayed with the process knowing my role and clarifying it with them. It was more difficult, but they did end up talking with me and treating me respectful.

Question 2: Do you find that one gender is typically less cooperative than another? If so, please explain what gender you find to be less cooperative and your personal ideas based on why this happens.

Response: I have been mediating since 1995 and have not found one gender less cooperative than the other. I believe cooperation varies based on emotional energy and personalities of the parties.

Question 3: Have you ever had to mediate a same-sex domestic conflict? If so, did you find this/ these experiences to be relatively similar to, or drastically different than opposite sex conflicts?

Response: From my experience, each case is dynamically unique, and is based upon the emotional level of the parties and longevity of the relationship. If there is a vested interest, there is more energy and it does not appear to be gender specific.

Question 4: Do you notice if one particular gender is typically more rational than another? If so, explain which gender does appear more rational and why you believe this is so.

Response: I have not found one gender more rational. It is situational.

Question 5: Do you find that women are less willing to negotiate in custody cases as opposed to distribution of property cases?

Response: I find that when the issue is over custody, either party is rarely willing to negotiate. Most couples who are experiencing the normality of divorce with children will fight for their parental rights. Property issues are easier to negotiate.

Question 6: What do you find to be the most challenging obstacles in domestic cases in comparison with other cases such as small claims?

Domestic cases have a torn relationship. They are much more emotionally charged. It is a challenge to assist the parties in moving past the hurt, history, sense of loss, emotion, and the feeling of being treating unfairly to find a mutually satisfying resolution which will allow them to move on and find closure.
The questions were answered by Jayme Rowe and Jeri Stroup. Jeri has been mediating since 1995 and specializes in family disputes. Before I started on this project I assumed that gender played a much larger role in the mediation process than Jeri Stroup explained. It would seem that neither she or the disputing parties have a difficult time with power imbalance, besides a few cultural differences. Sonny Rowland, who taught mediation for the Liberal Studies department at the University of Oklahoma spring 2008, explained that gender and power imbalance is common in divorce disputes. Rowland urged her students to be mindful of such scenarios and advised how to overcome such obstacles. For a mediator who has been working in the field for 14 years, Jeri Stroup feels that power imbalance is situational rather than gender related. More research can be done on this topic that would oversee mediation sessions, mediation documents and cases from a verity of mediators to help determine if my theory can be proven. If an anthropologist or sociologist was able to dedicate some research time to gender imbalance in mediation sessions more mediators would be able to benefit from their findings and possibly be more intuitive to gender and power and how each plays a role in marriage and divorce.